People take on different roles or functions within the family system. These roles may be the result of family dynamics. The way that people behave and interact in their roles may not be a result of conscious choice. Some of the more common roles that people take on in a family include:
1. The Scapegoat: The Scapegoat is the “problem child” or the “trouble maker”. This family member always seems defiant, hostile, and angry. The Scapegoat is the truth-teller of the family and will often verbalize or act out the “problem” which the family is attempting to cover up or deny. This individual’s behavior warrants negative attention and is a great distraction for everyone from the real issues at hand. The Scapegoat usually has trouble in school because they get attention the only way they know, which is negatively. They can be very clever, may develop social skills within his or her circle of peers, and become leaders in their own peer groups. But often the groups that they choose to associate with are groups that do not present healthy relationships. The relationships he or she experiences tend to be shallow and inauthentic.
The Scapegoat is sacrificed for the family. The Scapegoat will be the “identified patient”. Scapegoats come in many different flavors, but two common ones are:
1) the picked, weak, or sick child; or, 2) the angry, rebellious problem child who is constantly getting into conflicts. They are often self-destructive, cynical, and even mean.
2. The Hero: This family member devotes his/her time and attention to making the family look “normal” and without problems. The Hero can mask or make up for the dysfunctional home life. Over-responsible and self-sufficient they are often perfectionists, are over-achievers, and look very good – on the outside. The parents look to this child to prove that they are good parents and good people. Their goal in life is to achieve “success”, however that has been defined by the family; they must always be “brave and strong”. The Hero’s compulsive drive to succeed may in turn lead to stress-related illness and compulsive over-working. They learn at a young age to suffer the sadness of a parent and become a surrogate spouse or confidante. While The Hero saves the family by being perfect and making it looks good, the golden child may struggle to live up to his status. In a Narcissistic Personality Disordered (NPD) family, The Golden Child is the recipient of all the narcissistic parent’s positive projections and is their favorite child. The golden child is usually a victim of emotional and (covert) sexual abuse by the narcissistic parent. (S)He is also a witness to, and sometimes takes part in, the other children’s abuse. Many specialists believe that witnessing sibling’s abuse is as damaging as receiving it.
3. The Mascot: The goal of The Family Mascot is to break the tension and lighten the mood with humor or antics. (S)He is usually “the cute one.” This child feels powerless in the dynamics which are going on in the family and tries to interrupt tension, anger, conflict, violence, or other unpleasant situations within the family by being the court jester. The Mascot seeks to be the center of attention in the family, often entertaining the family and making everyone feel better through his or her comedy. They may also use humor to communicate and to confront the family dysfunction, rather than address it directly. They also use humor to communicate repressed emotions in the family such as anger, grief, hostility, or fear. This behavior is lighthearted and hilarious, just what a family twisted in pain needs, but the mascot’s clowning is not repairing the emotional wounds, only providing temporary balm. The rest of the family may actually try to protect their “class clown”. The Mascot is often busy-busy-busy.
4. The Lost Child is usually known as “the quiet one” or “the dreamer”. The Lost Child is the invisible child. They try to escape the family situation by making themselves very small and quiet. (S)He stays out of the way of problems and spends a lot of time alone. The purpose of having a lost child in the family is similar to that of The Hero. Because The Lost Child is rarely in trouble, the family can say, “He’s a good kid. Everything seems fine in his life, so things can’t be too bad in the family.”
This child avoids interactions with other family members and basically disappears. They become loners or are very shy. The Lost Child seeks the privacy of his or her own company to be away from the family chaos. Because they don’t interact, they never have a chance to develop important social and communication skills. (taken from our Diploma in Relationship, family and couples counseling course).
